This year I will be the fattest person at Thanksgiving. I am equally anxious and sad that this knowledge has shoved its way to the forefront of my thoughts for the past few weeks. Why should it matter? It shouldn’t. But the same question keeps circling my brain, “Can I feast if I’m fat?”
I can’t remember the last time I had a meal and didn’t feel the need to justify my hunger with phrases like, “I must be PMSing,” or “I skipped lunch today.” Somewhere along the way I forgot that being fat doesn’t take away my right to hunger.
Can I feast if I’m fat?
Trying to maintain a healthy relationship with food and its relationship to my body is hard. Every other advertisement on Facebook is a new miracle product to suppress my appetite and lose “inches in weeks.” Jasmine from high school (who I haven’t spoken to since our last reunion) is now in my inbox wondering if I want to lose ten pounds and if so, she has the product for me! Sally did Weight Watchers and is posting her before and after photos; Elizabeth is drinking magical weight loss shakes; Caroline reminds everyone to count their carbs because it really works! And I’m over here just trying to exist while the world is screaming at me that fat is bad and food is the enemy and some days it’s impossible to tune it all out.
Fall and feast season is upon us along with the yearly anxiety it brings. But Thanksgiving is supposed to be a celebration. We surround ourselves with those we love, remind ourselves to appreciate the little things in life, and then we eat like royalty.
This year I am giving myself permission to enjoy Thanksgiving and all its festivities and food without reason or justification. I will help myself to seconds (or thirds!) of sweet potatoes (my fave!). I will enjoy the spread of food laid out before me and I will FEAST! I challenge you to join me in this decision. Let’s be honest, we probably all spend far too much time worrying about what we shouldn’t eat; we deserve the day. Learning to love my fat body is a process and I won’t have all the answers by the end of this month, but I will take this one day to let it all go and just eat the damn pie.
Eat the damn pie